Betty White's Delicious Muffin...

I want to be Betty White when I grow up.... 'nuff said.

The Local Launch

Thursday 5/6:

• Divided Inside, Old and Ill, and Regicide bring some thrash to Code Red (7p, $5)
• The Moog, The Photo Atlas, Smile Radio, and Luke Nail rock Equinox (8p, $5)

Friday 5/7:

• Resurgam, Psykryptyca, Spaak, and Anabolic Annihilation @ Code Red (7p, $5)
• Equinox is hosting a St. Jude's Benefit Show with The Balcony Scene (8pm, $5)
• Daniel Park also rocks Mix (6p, free)
• All That Bleeds rock Q-Time's outside stage (10p)
• Blaze The Nation and Kit Karson Rehab bring a little reggae to Rainforest (10p, $4)

Saturday 5/8:

• The "We Ain't Gettin' Any Younger" Tour takes over Code Red with A Step Ahead, Me and The Captiain, A Strange Descent, Ivory Ocean and Feed The Need (6p, $7)
• Catch Weatherbox, Cadence, I Bet It Was A Massacre at Equinox (8p, $5)
• The Liars and Liquid Cheese rock Hurricane Alley (8p, $6, 21+)
• Blaze The Nation @ Q-Time (10p, $3, 21+)

Sunday 5/9:

• Check out Coca Cola with some ide rock @ Equinox ($5, 8pm)
• Get punk with The Anchor and Buffalo at the Trainyard (8pm, $3)

Wednesday 5/11:

• Musical Charis with be at Equinox (8p, $5)
• Sister Kisser rocks the Trainyard (8p, $3)

The Local Launch is Sponsored by El Patio Cantina in the Mesilla Plaza! The Best Shows Are Always At El Patio! Only $3 covers, amazing drinks specials, and your source for rock.

Friday night:

Rock hard with Worm-Hole, the Cantina Flys and Divided Inside! Only at El Patio! Music kicks off at 10p! See ya at El Patio!

No Means No.....

Rough sex. Hey, it works for some people. But maybe not all the time....I wanted to use this story for our Stupid Criminal of the Day....but I dunno. Just doesn't quite fit, ya know? Anyway...

Robert Cline III of Florida likes rough sex. But even the roughest can be outdone! See, Rob and his wife Anita are separated, working on a divorce. But they still get together every Monday for some casual give and take. Well, this past Monday didn't go as smoothly as it usually did. Anita told Rob he was getting too rough. And Rob made the worst mistake a man can ever make, he laughed her off and kept going. So Anita grabbed a gun and put it to his chest. Rob took this as foreplay. Anita shot Rob.

I guess you could say Rob is still stiff....in the morgue. Anita is awaiting her trial.

World's Oldest Person Dies....Again....

Only a few weeks ago I reported to you that the world's oldest person had died. Well, its happened again. Think about it....when the world's oldest person croaks, there's always another person who becomes the oldest. And apparently its not a very long standing gig for anyone!

Kama Chinen of Okinawa, Japan passed away just one week shy of her 115th birthday.

But now the title of "World's Oldest" belongs to Frenchie Eugenie Blanchard.

Haha! This whole "World's Oldest" stuff is the equivalent of poking an old fart at a funeral and saying "you're next!"

Gotta love it;)

May is Masturbation Month!!!!

Give yourself a hand!!!! May is national Masturbation Month!!!! And man, I'm all for it:) So let's talk about a little self-induced hanky-panky. In this day and age there are tons of way to do it, and get away with it! Dr. Susan block is assuring jerk-offs that there is nothing wrong with loving yourself, "Its educational, it teaches you about your body." And apparently all that self-love you've been giving yourself keeps you healthy too!!! Our dirty doc says that orgasms are a natural decongestant! So if you've got the sniffles, diddle away! And ladies, headaches can be cure by the big O as well.

Need a little motivation for your self-lovin'??

There is now a high-tech sex toy that made even me blush! The RealTouch is a sex simulation device that goes on a guys member, then it takes its orders from specially-encoded videos you can get online, and simulates that sensations you see online! Wow. I'm just tingling with anticipation over the first court case to come to light when a guy gets his wang caught in this! hahaha!

I Told You Trent Wasn't Finished Yet....

Nine Inch Nails frontman, Trent Reznor, has lost hhis mind in my opnion. there was his violent addiction to twitter last year, then his never-seeming-to-end drama about NIN being over and done with. Their last concert was held in NYC last year if you didn't know. But I knew I tell you!!!! He's too musically absobed to bak off completely. And this is my official "I told you so!" to the world!

Rumors have leaked that Trent has made his music a family affair! The rocker is teaming up with his wife and created a new band called Destroy All Angels. So far it sounds like it may have an electronic feel to it, and the duo should be releasing the debut album sometime this summer.

OzzFest is FINALLY Official!!!!

I get at least one phone call every day from a listener looking for info on this year's OzzFest. And everyday I have to tell that listener that there is nothing to know. Really. It gets quite depressing after a while. So you can imagine how elated I was when I read this at ozzfest.com:

More than 15 years after OZZY OSBOURNE debuted OZZFest, the defining blueprint for hard rock tours and festivals returns this August in six American cities with an explosive bill co-headlined by OZZY and, in their first-ever OZZFest appearance, Mötley Crüe—touring together for the first time with OZZY since he invited the group on their now legendary 1984 arena tour. Expect the energy to go way off the charts at the all-day extravaganza of music and deranged merriment.

The 2010 OZZFest--back after taking a year off in 2009 and the 2008 one-off stadium spectacular in Dallas, TX with OZZY and Metallica headlining--will kick off August 14 in San Bernardino (the birthplace of the first OZZFest in 1996) and then make stops in Chicago, IL, Hartford, CT, Camden, NJ, Pittsburgh, PA and Boston, MA. Live Nation will promote the tour nationally.

The main stage will feature full sets from Ozzy, Mötley Crüe and Rob Halford (who last appeared on OZZFest in 2004 with Judas Priest), performing songs from his solo career along with material from Judas Priest and Fight. DevilDriver and Nonpoint will round out the main stage line-up. Second stage headliners and six-time OZZFest veterans Black Label Society will be joined by Drowning Pool, Kingdom of Sorrow, and Goatwhore, Skeletonwitch, Saviours and Kataklysm.

Each OZZFest date will include 13 bands on two stages with music beginning at 1:00 PM. In addition, concert-goers can once again visit the OZZFest “Village of the Damned” featuring a mix of interactive activities, shopping and entertainment throughout the venue concourses.

These OZZFest dates mark the first concerts in the U.S. in connection with the June 15 release of SCREAM (Epic Records), the OZZFest’s founder’s first album in three years and 10th studio album overall. OZZY’s band consists of his OZZY’s new guitar player, Gus G., bassist Blasko, drummer Tommy Clufetos and keyboardist Adam Wakeman.

Tickets for the shows go on sale May 22 at www.OZZfest.com and www.LiveNation.com.

The 2010 OZZFEST dates are as follows:

Sat, Aug 14 - San Bernardino, CA - San Manuel Amphitheater

Tue, Aug 17 - Chicago, IL - First Midwest Bank Amp.

Thurs, Aug 19 - Pittsburgh, PA - First Niagara Pavilion

Sat , Aug 21 - Hartford, CT - Comcast Theater

Sun, Aug 22 - Camden, NJ - Susquehanna

Tue, Aug 24 - Boston, MA - Comcast Center